It occured to me that I only have the insistency of writing sob stories in my blog post and it made me feel absolutely apologetic to how much annoyance I've caused some parties who actually read my blog posts. It's too pessimistic isn't it? It's like my own personal diary. One I whine a lot in.
In regards to my apologetic introduction, I'd like to start off my post with something I like for a change. I've been listening to Birdy a lot lately. And by lately I mean for the last 6 months. I'm a fan. I have a few favourites. Wings -which was a great transition into adulthood Birdy made- , the classic Skinny Love, People Help The People, All About You, All You Never Say, Maybe and so much more. I was only attached to a few songs earlier, one of them being Words As Weapons. One of the main reasons I liked about Birdy is that not all of her songs are about love stories above the rainbows. She sings about life and people and herself. Things we all can relate to -at least I do.
Now you can stop reading here because it's gonna start to get depressing.
Sensitivity is probably something I wish I don't have all the time but the world doesn't always give you what you want. Being called fat or ugly is not a surprised to me anymore. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts but I learn to predict that someone will tell me that at least once a day. If not, joke about it e.g. touching my belly and telling me to lighten up which I still find offensive because hello, I don't like getting my insecurities flaunted. But today I felt lower than dirt when someone just told me in front of my face that I'm not just ugly, I also have the faint delusion that I'm pretty which he thinks is not true. Somehow he strongly believes that I'm ugly and is persistent in letting me see myself through his eyes. I only managed to reply an "I know." to every criticism he throws at me. I don't know, possibly trying to make him see that he was offensive. But I'm fine. Honestly, I'm hurt, offended but I was fine. In fact, he actually got me to think and I didn't entirely disagree with him. I think I was ugly too, in a lot of ways. Maybe I am self-conscious in a lot of ways I don't see. I mean, nobody likes me in general anyway. So, if someone was just being honest to me, who was I to deny?
In the lyrics of Birdy's song Words As Weapons, it says "Your words don't hurt when you have no fear." But knowing myself, I know I'll always have fear because seeing is believing and somehow the reflection of myself I see in the mirror is partly equivalent to all those insults. But I see it as a part of being human. Which is why I choose to be indifferent, and maybe just thank him. Just so he knows how much of an ass he is.
