#WorldMentalHealthDay .

Author's note: This is something very personal so I hope you guys realize how big of a step it is for me to publicize this (not that I'm hoping for a big audience or anything).



The me a year ago I couldn't last a week without being morbid or just generally sad. I'd get emotional on every little thing and let everything get to me. Under my circumstance at the time, I was also suffering from self-loathing, constantly over-thinking and over-analyzing everything from my bipolar disorder and was so frequently in depression I don't remember when I was happy. I used distractions. I used music. I used writing to help me through. I tried everything before I turned to medical attention. It was when my studies were deteriorating that I decided to seek medical attention, to help me go through my day to day. Of course, doing that meant a lot of money too. I did this out of my parents' knowledge, getting extra money from some work I did over the weekends at my mom's and had to cut out my allowance. I was prescribed medicine for my ADHD and had to take them daily. I had social problems. My grades were so bad I can't even look at them. I was not the strongest person I could remember. I hated to pull the mentally disabled card because from where I come from, this is very frowned upon and people just take my being mentally unstable as me trying to be find excuses for my laziness, lack of competence in a lot of things and just generally my being socially unaccepted by the majority. I learnt a lot of things the hard way.

Today, I wake up every morning feeling very thankful of the past me. Thanking the me who decided to take things to my own hands, seeking help. Some (or most) people can't afford to do what I did so I'm honestly grateful. I'm happier on most days which is a big deal for me. I used to have to see my psychiatrist on a monthly basis but it's been months since my last appointment. I stopped taking my prescription (although not advised) because I gradually got better. I can go for a month or two without depression and although my manic impulses haven't really gotten anywhere, I cared less about how people perceived me and more about the people closer to me. I choose to love myself as much as I can, although I have my moments. We always get asked, if we could change the past, what would we change but when do we ever think of the silver lining of how impossible that is? It's because God makes us realize that our past makes us who we are today. If I didn't make those mistakes, been those people, been rejected by society for the most of the past in my life, I would never be this person I am today.

Happy World Mental Health Day.

Sad tea drinker, now happy.
Nuna.

Rainy thoughts

I thought it was you.

Maybe it was me all along.

Maybe, it'll always be me. Like it always has been.