So here's the gist of what's been happening to me. A person would ask why a girl who weeped all night did not even tire herself and sleep. Why is she zoning out every two seconds. Why is she starving herself for three days. Why is she not seeking attention for being sick. Why is she still up at 5.30 in the morning updating her blog when she has a two hour class at 8. Why is she watching Begin Again on her laptop to kill time. Pathetically enough, I'm that girl. So here it is, here's the gist. Have you ever been so fucked up in your life so much that you just feel like, crying, laughing, listening to songs that cry out your situation and just go all batshit crazy on your emotions? Thank you. Welcome to my disorder.
Throughout the week, today would probably peak everything. From people walking pass me and telling me that I look mentally and physically tored -which by the way I'm still figuring put how people donthat. I actually tried the optimistiv thing. It didn't work. Bad idea. It was temporary. I was just always stuck with work from one time to another. I tried to run away from it but they just kept coming to me like circles in my head. Lecturers scolding me, assignments pending, classes, task, my family. I'm a walking mess. I don't look like one but I am. Amazing how I still manage to spend my time dressing up. Anyway. Nothing new. Everyone is going through the same thing aren't they? But why does it feel like I'm the only one at the edge of the small ounce of insanity I have left? I didn't earlier but I sorta realized it when I started bawling my eyes, acknowledging the fact that I have issues -a lot. For one, I think too much. That's already half the problem. So here's the girl who watched a conventional love story about turning a new leaf just to entertain her self-pity that this movie in any way is somehow related to her situations and that it killed her more than it already did.
Here's to my fucking self-pity.
