Eversince I was very young, all that movies always taught me was that you shouldn't be afraid to be yourself even if it means being a nobody. And the result to that is that I keep telling myself it's okay to be an underdog but subconsciously I've been having an image in my head that people might just think I'm cool.
Being 20 and pretty much went and is still going through society's judgement of me, I had to pat myself in the back for being able to predict the future because I am an underdog.
Not only physically unattractive, I also have bad personality -and to think I'd question myself why I don't have boyfriends.
But it's alright. I still had compliments back then. I had something I could hold onto.
But that was back then.
I think anyone who read this would know it's really personal and I'd really like to spare everyone the sob story because it's ridiculous but hey, I have feelings.
That few things I could be proud of was well, won over. And now, I'm like dead last at all degree.
And being surrounded by negative people who intentionally or unintentionally on purpose just criticizes me over my flaw makes me feel no less appreciated and worse, I'm just there staring at my self-integrity falling out of me.
I know, I'm too selfish. I am. I should stop being a baby because some people had it worse than I do. But to feel that I'm just bad at everything makes me wonder why am I even with these people? Why can't I just go somewhere where I'll be appreciated and someone can tell me it's okay for me to be different or unattractive as long as I'm happy.
But being happy is not nearly as important as being visually satisfying to some people. Isn't it?
I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. - J.D. Salinger
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